


The Choker

by martianapplecrumble



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-06 01:03:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17929811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/martianapplecrumble/pseuds/martianapplecrumble
Summary: Dib buys an alien choker online thinking that it is a weapon which chokes aliens. Boy, was he wrong.Something funny with a little bit of ZaDR :^))





	The Choker

It was a night like many others. Behind Dib's round window, it was quiet and cool, the silence disturbed only by the quiet rustle of leaves, or by the sound of a car passing by. It seemed like the whole town was asleep, gaining energy to go back to living and buzzing the next day.  
But one person who wasn't sleeping, or even resting at all, was Dib. He was lying on his bed, peering at the night sky thought the window and thinking about Zim. Actually, wait. No. He wasn't thinking about Zim, he was thinking about new ways of catching and exposing him to the public. Dib has tried so many things and still failed to prove that Zim was an alien.  
"Maybe I can like, use something to choke him, then take off his disguise in front of everyone so no one can deny that he is an alien!" Dib thought, chewing on his lip. "Is there, like, such thing as an alien choker?"  
Dib got up and grapped his laptop, quickly typing "alien choker" in his browser search engine. And there they were. Honestly, Dib was surprised by how many of them were available. Were there really so many people wanting to choke aliens? Maybe there was an anti-alien group he doesn't know about? He should certainly join it.   
Dib eventually chose a choker which looked like a dog collar made out of tangled wires. Dib supposed they contained electricity to put the alien into a deeper shock. There was a small golographic alien head attached to it as well, which left the raven-haired boy in zero doubt that it was meant for aliens. Besides, it was extremely cheap.  
Without hesitation, Dib clicked "order" and the website informed him that he would get the choker within 3 working days. Dib rubbed his hands in excitement and shut down his laptop. Three days. Three days and victory will be his.

The small parcel arrived even sooner than Dib has expected. Two days later, the package was already in his mailbox, and Dib unwrapped it with shaking hands.  
It looked even better in real life, thin pieces of plastic enterwined and the alien head shining in the daylight. Dib held the object in his hands, examining it. He then checked the parcel for instructions of any sort, but found none. Just a "thank you for your purchase" note.  
"Perhaps I should just put it on Zim's neck and it will do its work," Dib decided.  
"Are you so obsessed with Zim that you got a necklace with his head on it?"   
Gaz came up behind him so quietly that Dib jumped a little, nearly dropping the object he was holding.  
"WHAT? NO, Gaz! It's an alien choker! It's a weapon specially designed to choke aliens! Once I put it on Zim, everyone will know that he is an alien!"  
Gaz only huffed in response. Well, what did Dib expect, his sister wasn't exactly the talkative type.  
He put the choker in his school bag, and that night, as he went to sleep, all he could think about was the glory he would feel the next day.

Morning started off the best way possible. Dib practically inhaled his breakfast, threw on his trench coat and rushed out of the door.  
The school yard was full with children playing before class, since it was still good fifteen minutes before the bell was to go off. What a PERFECT opportunity to expose Zim's true form.  
Dib hid behind a bush, clutching the chocker in his hands and waiting for Zim to come.  
And there he was. Green skin, purple eyes, no ears, no nose. Seriously, how could anyone NOT think he was an alien? People were so stupid.  
Every muscle and nerve inside Dib was tense, prepared to attact.  
As Zim was millimetres away from the bush, Dib jumped out, pulling the stretched choker over Zim's head and onto his neck while the alien was still unable to move and taken aback from shock.  
"WHA-"  
Dib took a step back, an evil smirk on his face.   
"LOOK! Everybody, look! This device is espacially designed to choke aliens! Watch it strangle Zim, I told you, he is AN ALIEN!!!"  
All childen turned their heads to look at Dib and Zim, and Dib was overjoyed. Now, the moment of his fame, of his pride...  
Zim stood there with his eyes squeezed shut, waiting for the doom to fall on him. But... nothing happened. He opened his eyes and shot Dib a confused look.  
"It doesn't do anything, Dib-stink," Zim said, touching the chocker with his fingers.  
"But... doesn't it like... choke you?.." Dib mumbled, not believing that it was happening again.  
"Not at all," Zim smirked, putting a finger under the object and pulling it lightly. "See, Zim is a normal human boy, just like you, Dib-worm, but just so much better."  
Dib felt disappointment crash onto him. WHY didn't it work?! He will give the choker the worst rating in the online review, that's for sure.  
But at the same time, Dib couldn't ignore the way the plastic hugged Zim's neck, and the way Zim touched and pulled it... Dib would think he was teasing him if he didn't know he wasn't.  
Dib was snapped out of his thought as Zim took the choker off and threw it on his face.  
"TAKE YOUR STINKY PLASTIC BACK AND DON'T EVEN PUT SOMETHING THAT FILTHY ON ZIM AGAIN," Zim screamed and stormed off to class.  
Before Dib could react, he was hit hard on the head with something that felt like a book. He howled at the sudden pain and fell to the ground, loud laughing of other children buzzing in his ears.  
"God, you are such a stupid freak!" a girl said. Dib turned back to look at her and saw a book in her hands. So she was the one who hit him.  
And he saw something on her neck. A plastic object, just like the one he put on Zim moments ago. Only instead of an alien head, it had a small metallic cat attached to it.  
"Chokers are JEWELERY, not weapons. So many girls wear them. You are honestly so weird, I bet that huge head of yours is empty inside!" the girl made a face and kicked him in the leg, before walking away.  
With a struggle, Dib sat up. He was dirty all over and his head and leg ached dully from being hit. No one paid attention to him now, so he tried to clean himself as well as he could and limped off to class.  
Jewelery. It was goddamn jewelery and not a weapon. How could he make such a stupid mistake? His cheeks burned with embarassement and humilation.   
Attacking Zim with a choker was a terrible idea.

And when Dib woke up next morning after having a dream about Zim wearing the choker and kissing him with passion, he was even more certain that it was the worst idea to ever come to his head which wasn't even as large as everyone said.


End file.
